2. DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES
A Mentoring Moment From MSgt. Allan Folsom
OPA-C/CSFA USAF.
3. OBJECTIVES
Become better leaders by learning how to deal
effectively with difficult personalities
This will promote unit cohesion/effectiveness and
aide in mission accomplishment
You will be able to “Bring out the best” in your
subordinates
Lastly, perhaps learn a little something about
yourself.
4. IDENTIFYING DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES
Hard core bully
Ego centered prince or princess
Passive Aggressive
The baby
Negative Ned or Nancy
People Pleaser
The Non player
6. MODUS OPERANDI
Hostile, Abusive, Intimidating,
Are always right and will charge like angry bulls if
you cross or challenge them
7. YOUR RESPONSE
Take a deep breath, let them blow off steam
Draw the line; DO NOT LET THEM GET ABUSIVE
Address them by name, title rank to maintain control
State your position clearly
Avoid arguments, you wont win a battle with them
especially in public.
Learn to set boundary early on
10. MODUS OPERANDI
Are the “Experts” who know more than anyone
about subject
Facts are “power” to them, making them feel
superior
They Basically want to feel special and long to be
center stage
11. YOUR RESPONSE
You cant fake it with them, so know your facts
You can also capitalize on what they know by
asking questions of them
They love to show off and have others appreciate
their knowledge, utilize this as a leader by giving
them praise and recognition skillfully.
This will lead them to come down from their towers
15. MODUS OPERANDI
They often take potshots
Try to undercut your authority in devious ways
using sarcasm, often disguised as a joke
They will not be direct with their criticism
They tend to drag down morale, so you have to
deal with them.
16. YOUR RESPONSE
Turn situation away from personalities and back to
tasks involved.
Use owning statements with them to assert
leadership “I need you to accomplish this”
Once they realize you wont be pushed off task by
their sniping, they usually stop
Don’t confront publically, do it in private, they don’t
like confrontation/center stage.
18. MODUS OPERANDI
See everything negatively by complaining, whining
acting defeated.
They think that they have little or no value, no-one
thinks they are important
19. YOUR RESPONSE
First Listen, then steer them towards facts which
are sometimes far less negative than they seem
Maintain control by bringing up negatives yourself
then dismiss them logically
Direct their attention to the positives of situation
When a negative question is asked by them, turn to
the rest of the group to answer, don’t give much eye
contact
Get them oriented on a task
21. MODUS OPERANDI
Very Similar to Whiner
Distrusts anyone in power
Believes his/her way is only way
Motto is “See I Told You So!!”
Always see the downside of every issue
22. YOUR RESPONSE
Stay Positive but realistic
Delay discussing solutions as they will dismiss
them as you bring it up
Refuse the easy trap of an argument and stick with
your facts, sometimes truth is powerful
25. MODUS OPERANDI
Easy to like, however difficult to work with due to
over committing themselves and their staff
They have an Inability to set proper boundaries and
simply say “NO”
Usually hyper sensitive types who wear heart on
their sleeves
26. YOUR RESPONSE
Limit how much you ask of them as they tend to
miss deadlines and will be disappointed
In meetings they volunteer for far too much,
therefore gently emphasize boundaries by being
task specific.
Affirm their contributions and help them say no.
28. MODUS OPERANDI
Most difficult types to deal with
Do not reveal their motivations
Tend to be lone wolves
You will end up in a guessing game as to what
motivates them or makes them “tick”, keep trying
though.
It is vital to get them involved so they don’t leave
with hidden agendas and counter the teams goal
Can sometimes be overtly hostile
29. YOUR RESPONSE
Most effective strategy is to draw them out with
open ended questions
Wait them out in a controlled fashion even if the
silence between you grows, keep them busy with
tasks that they can focus on like supplies or
equipment.
Eventually they will give off a clue as to where their
motivations lie. Work with them, move them
towards their goals and they will flourish
You might have to take your leadership to the next
level…
30. TAKE A MOMENT FOR SELF EXAMINATION
Characterize the difficult people in your life, identify
the traits and personalities that you see and make
index cards on how to deal with them, review the
cards before a meeting, you will be surprised by the
outcome
Visualize your confrontation and rehearse these
techniques until comfortable
The system WORKS!
31.
32. ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO CHANGE
Remember, Everyone has value
When you ignore people they don’t change and
YOU FAIL as a leader
When you support positive change and refuse to
indulge their behaviors you help them grow
You may never see it but they will thank you one
day for your care and leadership
33. KNOW WHEN TO CALL IN HELP
Some people may have more than just personality
traits going on, there may be problems at home or
in their lives.
Keep in mind that you cannot, nor should you
concern yourself with the intimate details of their
lives beyond the professional relationship.
Listen and call in help when needed in form of an
arbiter, counselor or medical professional. Neutral
parties can valuable
When dealing with a group project, a professional
facilitator can be of some use to refocus group
34. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, IMPLEMENT THE
NUCLEAR OPTION
35. NUCLEAR OPTION, PART 1
Must use caution, usually last ditch effort to get
person involved.
Implemented when all other options are exhausted
Must be rooted in your authority and in some cases
be prepared to be harsh if necessary.
Part 1 is used as SHOCK and AWE. Hopefully it
will wake them up.
37. NUKE OPTION PT 2; PUNITIVE ACTION OR
OPERATION PAPER TIGER!
When it comes to enforcing punitive action, you
need time, date and place, persons involved,
witnesses etc.
JAG or Chain of Command will basically want to
know Who, What, When, Where and How.
Keep documented, detailed notes, dates time
witnesses
I Keep detailed journals of everything…
39. IN CLOSING
Remember leadership demands that you see the
whole picture, not just focus on personalities, train
yourself to recognize them
Know yourself most of all and learn everything you
can about the people you lead, in the end they will
thank you for your commitment to them
Do not compromise your authority, if you do you will
fail.