Techniques and exercises for developing listening skills in personal and professional settings.

1. Listening Lab 1:
Listening Skills
Kevin R. Thomas
Manager, Training & Development
x3542
kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu

2. Introductions
• Name
• Your relationship to
Williams
• Think about a time
when someone really
listened to you.
What’s one thing
they did that helped?

3. Objectives
• Describe techniques
for effective
listening.
• Get some practice.

4. Norms
• Confidentiality
• Participation
• Listening
• Advice & Judgement
Free Zone

5. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

6. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

7. Each Exercise
• Pair up
• 7 minutes as listener
• 3 minute feedback – speaker gives feedback
about what the listener did well, what they
might try in the future
• Switch
• Rotate partners

8. Dangers of Advice Giving
• You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you
wanted to do anyway.
-John Steinbeck
• Advice is effective if:
– The person you’re talking to knows what the problem is
– The person you’re talking to has communicated the real problem
– You have the needed advice
– The person you’re talking to will accept the advice coming from you
– The the person you’re talking to follows through on your advice
In other words … hardly ever.
AND
Advice giving does NOT increase the person’s resiliency or capacity.

9. Creating a container
• The more intense or difficult a conversation is, the stronger
the container must be.
• Consider:
– Privacy
– Lack of distractions
– Time bound
– Norms
• Confidentiality
• “I” statements
• Describing behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, not labeling the other
person
• No interruptions
• Volume and gestures moderate
• Time outs

10. For the exercises …
• You’ll be in the speaker role
• Choose a topic that is significant for you
• Gauge the strength of the container and what
is safe to share
• Listen to your gut

11. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

12. 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
• Minimal Encouragements
– Echoing words or phrases
– Verbal cues that you are listening “Oh?”, “Mm hmm”,
“Right.” etc.
– “Is there more about that?”
• Open-ended questions
• Body language
– Non verbal cues that you are listening
– Subtly mirror body language.
• Pauses

13. 1 mouth, 2 ears – your turn
• Use minimal encouragements, open-ended
questions, body language, and pauses to keep
the other person talking.
• Imagine they are holding a hand of cards. You
want them to put more cards on the table.

14. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

15. Summarizing for Understanding
• Summarize
– I hear you saying X. Am I getting that right? Is
there more about that?
– When there is no more, summarize everything
they’ve said.

16. Summarizing for Understanding – Your
Turn
• Listen, using the technique of summarizing for
understanding
– As you go along
– When the person has said all they want to say

17. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

18. Empathic Listening
• “What’s mentionable is much more manageable.”
– Fred Rogers
• Non-violent communication
– Feelings are related to needs
– Positive feelings come from satisfied needs
– Negative feelings come from frustrated needs
– Inquire about needs and feelings
– Could you be feeling x because of a need for y? … or
because you are thinking y?
– Example: “Could you be feeling anxious because you
think that you are not safe?”

19. Empathic Listening – Your Turn
• Practice empathic listening
– Help the other person to identify their needs and
the associated emotions

20. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

21. Debrief
• What did you like?
• What did you learn?
• Any surprises?

22. Agenda
1 • Orientation
2 • 1 Mouth, 2 Ears
3 • Summarizing for Understanding
4 • Empathic Listening
5 • Debrief
6 • Next Steps

23. Resources and Next Steps
• Course page
• Lynda.com video
training
• Upcoming
communications labs

24. Kevin R. Thomas
Manager, Training & Development
x3542
Kevin.R.Thomas@williams.edu
• Program evaluation link will be sent by email.
• You’ll get a link to a course page with all the materials.