1. Breaking the Pattern: Group Lesson Plan
Learning Goals
1. Students will learn the relationship between emotion and communication
2. Students will learn how to demonstrate the emotions they are feeling using both
verbal and nonverbal communication.
3. Students will learn how to resolve conflicts effectively.
Student Standards
Maine Learning Standards
 CP:A1 Preparing for the Future – Determine effective workplace behaviors and skills
 CP:A2 Preparing for the Future – Use teamwork strategies and apply communication
and negotiation skills to decision making
 CP:D5 Balancing Responsibilities – Assume personal responsibility during their time in
school
 H:C3 Health Promotion and Risk Reduction – Develop strategies to improve or maintain
personal and family health
 H:C5 Health Promotion and Risk Reduction – Demonstrate ways to avoid or change
situations that threaten personal safety
 H:E1 Communication Skills - Demonstrate healthy ways to express needs, wants, and
feelings
 H:E2 Communication Skills – Demonstrate strategies that can be used to prevent or solve
conflicts without harm
 H:E3 Communication Skills – Analyze the possible causes of conflict in schools,
families, and communities . Demonstrate conflict resolution strategies
American School Counseling Association Standards
 A:A3.1 Take responsibility for their actions
 A:A3.2 Demonstrate the ability to work independently, as well as the
 ability to work cooperatively with other students
 C:A2.1 acquire employability skills such as working on a team, problem-solving and
organizational skills
 C:C2.2 learn how to use conflict management skills with peers and adults
 C:C2.3 learn to work cooperatively with others as a team member
 PS:A1.1 develop positive attitudes toward self as a unique and worthy person
 PS:A1.5 identify and express feelings
 PS:A1.6 distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behavior
 PS:A2.6 use effective communications skills
 PS:A2.7 know that communication involves speaking, listening, and nonverbal
behavior
 PS:A2.8 learn how to make and keep friends
 PS:B1.3 identify alternative solutions to a problem
 PS:B1.6 know how to apply conflict resolution skills

2. Time Required: 8 45 minute sessions
Materials Needed: chalk board or white board, handout pack, a ball, video clip from a
movie, video clips about assumptions, video clips about apologies, construction paper,
pencils or crayons, printed out Four Steps stickers,
Pre-Lesson Work: Each week review the session activities and prepare any necessary video
clips or other materials needed. It might be helpful to do review The Curse of the Good Girl
by R. Simmons.
Session 1 - Good Girls, Bad Girls, Real Girls
Warm-up: Get to know each other. Set ground rules.
1. How are good girls supposed to act and look?
Discuss what they look like in TV, magazines, movies. What are advantages or disadvantages
of being this type of girl?
2. How are bad girls supposed to act and look?
Discuss what they look like in TV, magazines and movies. What are advantages or
disadvantages of being this type of girl?
3. What are real girls?
Spend the rest of group time writing or drawing individually what a real girl looks like to
you.
Session 2 - Emotions: True or False
Warm-up: Play a catch game while identifying emotion words.
1. Talk about how everyone is doing/feeling today, make a note of how many different
emotion words they use.
2. Discuss emotional myths. (Handout 1)

3. What do they sound like? Have people told you these myths before? Do you believe any of
these myths or have you believed in them in the past?
1. Affirmation of Feelings (Handout 2)
Let group members try to develop these on their own and coach as needed.
Session 3 - Inside/Outside Feelings
Warm-up: Watch and Learn
Watch 3 minutes of a film, have students identify the emotions witnessed.
1. Discuss inside and outside feelings (Handout 3)
2. Script Writing
Write a script about normal tense situations as pairs or threes. Now work as a group to
identify and add a sentence identifying the inside emotion they are feeling in the script. If
girls would prefer to act out their script, that is fine. Have them go through it once, then go
back and ask them to pause after each sentence to allow for emotion identification. Do as
many as there is time for.
Session 4 - Push or Pull
Warm-up: Check in and Checkup
1. Push vs. I statements
Let the girls identify what is a "push statement" and what is an "I statement". Push statements
help continue arguments by casting blame, sounding passive aggressive or sounding
unauthentic.
2. Good I statements
Talk about what makes good I statements, let girls give advice on how to make good ones.
3. Practice with your peers. (Handout 4)
In groups of 3 practice making I statements using situation cards provided.
Session 5 - The Power of Assumption

4. Warm-up: watch a couple short videos about the problem with assumptions.
1. What is an assumption?
Write group definition on board
2. Consequences of assumptions (Handout 5)
In groups of 3, create answers to 2 of 3 scenarios.
4. Question Assumptions
Practice questioning assumptions by asking girls to give an assumption and asking the group
to question what the reason for the behavior is (Handout 5).
Session 6 - There is no get out of jail free card
Warm-up: Check in and Checkup
1. What "just kidding" really means.
Do you use it? See others use it? What does it mean or feel like if use on you?
2. Talk about what our no-joke zones are.
What is a no-joke zone? Supply one as an example, give students a few minutes to write or
draw their no-joke zones. Ask members to share.
3. What are alternatives?
How can we find ways of saying what we think without being hurtful or making exceptions
to how we feel?
Session 7 - Apologies
Warm-up: watch a video of 2 apologies, ask girls to think about what is good or bad about
them.
1. When is an apology appropriate?
2. Is there a better word or phrase?
Practice using words like "thank you" or "that is not okay" instead of "whatever", "no
problem" or "it is okay".

5. 3. Practice authentic, appropriate apologies
Session 8 - Wrapping It Up
Warm-up: No Warm-up Today
1. The Four Steps (Handout 6)
Introduce the concept, let girl teams practice with it and take turns reading uses aloud
2. What did we learn game
Either drawing questions out of a bucket or by throwing a questions ball ask girls to discuss
what they liked, didn't like or learned from the group. One question should ask girls how
much more real they are now than in the beginning of group.
3. Pass out 4 steps locker stickers
4. Celebrate growth as real girls

6. Handout 1: Common Emotional Myths
Taken from pages 138-142 of The Curse of the Good Girl by R. Simmons (2009).
There is a right way to feel in every situation.
Letting others know that I am feeling bad is weakness.
Negative feelings are bad and destructive.
Some emotions are really stupid.
All painful emotions are the result of a bad attitude.
If others don't approve of my feelings, I obviously shouldn't
feel the way I do.
Painful emotions are not really important and should be
ignored.

7. Handout 2: Affirmation of Feelings
Taken from page 142 of The Curse of the Good Girl by R. Simmons (2009).
Explain to the group that all of the myths about emotions can help create a series of truths
or affirmations about feelings. Ask them to help create seven truths about emotion based
on the work done earlier. Prompt as necessary. Below is a suggested list.
1. There is no right or wrong way to feel about what happens in my life or
relationships.
2. In safe situations it's okay to tell others how I'm feeling, even if my
feelings make me appear vulnerable.
3. Upset feelings are healthy and normal.
4. Good people can have bad feelings.
5. I am the only personwho can say how I am feeling.
6. It doesn'tmatter whether others approve of my emotions, because they
are mine.
7. Negative emotions are important and must be acknowledged.

8. Handout 3: Inside and Outside Feelings
Taken from page 144 of The Curse of the Good Girl by R. Simmons (2009).
Outside feelings are the ones typically seen during a conflict. Inside feelings are the ones
that aren't typically shown.
Outside Feelings or Body Language include:
 Frustration
 Anger
 Irritation
 Annoyance
 Rage
 Disgust
 Rolling eyes
 Shifting weight
 Turning away
 Slouching
 Hand on hip
 No eye contact
 "Whatever"
Inside Feelings include:
 Insecure
 Disappointment
 Sadness
 Fear
 Confusion
 Betrayed
 Excited
 Vulnerable
 Jealous
 Used
 Self-conscious
 Guilty
 Humiliated
 Embarrassed
 Put-down
 Hurt
 Anxious
 Shamed
 Inferior
 Regretful
 Panicked

9. Handout 4: I Statement Situation Cards
Taken from pages 153-158 of The Curse of the Good Girl by R. Simmons (2009).
Situation 1:
You've been ignoring me.
Situation 2:
You never ask me what I want to do.
Situation 3:
You always make me late for class.
Situation 4:
You said things about me behind my back.

10. Handout 5: Consequences of Assumptions
Taken from pages 163-165 of The Curse of the Good Girl by R. Simmons (2009).
The first section is for facilitator use. Read each of these aloud or write them on the
board. Ask the group what are some other reasons for the behavior mentioned. See how many
the group can come up with for each question.
I can't believe she didn't say hi to me in the hallway. She must be mad at me.
My friends say that shirt looks good on me, but they're probably lying.
She didn't save me a seat at lunch, so I guess she'd rather sit with other people.
She tells me where to stand at practice because she thinks she's better than me.
Print out the second section on the board in enough copies for team of 3. Ask students
to decide what the assumption is by underlining it, what emotions or thoughts might be
occurring, and what the reaction or action would be.

11. 1. She told me she had no plans this morning, but I just heard she was going to
the movies with my friends. I guess she didn't want me there.
Emotion(s):
Thought(s):
Action(s):
2. Those girls keeplooking at me while they are talking. They are talking about me.
Emotion(s):
Thought(s):
Action(s):
3. Tess is talking to Mike, the guy I have a crush on. She's trying to take him away
from me.
Emotion(s):
Thought(s):
Action(s):

12. Handout 6: The Four Steps
Taken from pages 188-189 of The Curse of the Good Girl by R. Simmons (2009).
1 - Affirm the Relationship
Say something nice about the relationship.
2 - I Statement: I felt ___________________ when you
____________________________.
Define the specific problem and how you feel about it.
3 - Contribution: I am sorry I _________________________.
Explain what you did to make the problem bigger or worse.
4 - How Can We Solve This Together?
I can ______________________________________________.
Can you ____________________________________________.
Say what you need and what you can do to help the problem.

13. References
American School Counselor Association. (2004). ASCA national standards for students.
Alexandria, VA: Author.
Maine School Counselors Association. (n.d.) Maine comprehensive school counseling
program model K-12. Retrieved from
https://www1.maine.gov/doe/counseling/guidelines/programmodel.pdf.
Simmons, R. (2009). The curse of the good girl: raising authentic girls with courage and
confidence. New York, NY: Penguin Group.