From the Psychoeducation for Teachers Series

1. Assertiveness Training for Teachers

2.  On this presentation, we discuss a common classroom
situation: telling a child that his or her behavior is troublesome.
The key for any teacher here is to approach the topic in such a
sensitive and empathic way so that we get the positive
outcome that we are hoping for without intensifying the
problem behavior, or even worse, triggering a teacher-student
power struggle. Approaching and talking with a habitually
disruptive student ,so that the child does not push us away
and becomes receptive to what we have to say is a high-level
child guidance skill that requires much more than one
discussion. However, there are initial changes in the way
teachers interact and talk to children that can influence
positively the way students respond to us, and those little
changes that make a big difference are our focus next.

3.  These are probably the two most important things that teachers need
to keep in balance when managing a habitually disruptive child:
being too passive and being too aggressive. When we are too
passive, we keep our discomfort to ourselves, accumulating inner
anger and resentment that ultimately does more harm than good. A
teacher that is too passive may feel overwhelmed with the situation
and perceives the student as the person “in charge,” which is the
fastest way for any teacher to start feeling hopeless and to start
accumulating self-doubts about own ability in changing the problem
behavior. When the teacher is too aggressive, on the other hand, the
same hidden resentment and frustration that overwhelm a passive
teacher now turn into angry outbursts that escalate into nasty verbal
exchanges and interactions with the child. For an aggressive
teacher, the disruptive child is “the enemy,” and, in “the battlefront”
(classroom), the best line of defense is to defeat the enemy.

4.  Hostile teacher-student exchanges increase the
possibility of the child counter-attacking (e.g., yelling,
screaming, kicking, cursing, and/or acting-out),
damaging the therapeutic goal of developing a positive
relationship with the student. Too passive or too
aggressive, either kind of reaction from a teacher is
mainly revealing frustration, low self-confidence, and
low self-efficacy skills in managing children’s
challenging behavior. The right balance to find is what I
like to call the goldilocks approach, that is, “not too little
neither too much, but just the right amount of each.”
We find this right balance when we manage students’
difficult behaviors both assertively and constructively,
that is, using the assertive approach.

5.  Assertive communication means that we are
able to stand up for our personal rights
without violating the rights of the student.
When we use assertive language, we express
our thoughts and feelings in both a direct and
honest way, and, because we are taking into
consideration the child’s rights and feelings,
we articulate our position without trying to
dominate the child, much less trying to
humiliate the child. Assertive interactions are
less likely to trigger an angry or a defensive
reaction in children.

6.  We can say that assertive teachers resemble therapeutic
teachers in the sense that they share the long-term
communication goals of helping children understand own
behavior, and of learning effective coping skills. This is the
exact opposite of trying to control and/or to “get back” at the
child. Both assertive and therapeutic teachers convey an
atmosphere of respect and acceptance when talking with
students about their behaviors, resulting in higher compliance
from children. I like to see assertive teachers as a starting
level in becoming a therapeutic teacher; once an assertive
teacher moves into the realm of connecting and
communicating with the child, the teacher upgrades her/his
assertive skills into more in-depth therapeutic or child
guidance skills.

7.  Key in talking in a direct and assertive way is using
a self-focus (I) rather than the other person focus
(you). When we use a self-focus, we concentrate
on stating our own feelings and needs by means of
‘I’ statements, also known as Gordon I-Messages
for psychologist Gordon Allport. Some examples of
‘I’ messages are:
o Lucy, I lose my concentration when you leave your
seat without permission.
o I don’t like when I’m cursed.
o I must admit that I felt disappointed when I heard
you cursing.
o I really feel annoyed about this.

8.  As we can see, on an ‘I’ message the focus stays on us, more
specifically, what we feel or want. Sentence stems for ‘I’ messages
would be “I like _____,” “I do not like _____,” “I feel _____,” “I do not
feel _____,” “I want _____,” and “I do not want _____.”
 Self-focus is one part of our assertive message; once we
concentrate on stating our own feelings and needs, the next step is
to identify in a descriptive and no blameful way the behavior that is
causing the problem. For example, saying, “Gregory, when you don’t
pick up the art supplies it makes a mess on the floor.” The effect of
the behavior on you follows, for example, “A messy floor means
more work for me to clean up, and we are not going to find our art
materials the next time we need them.” The “grand finale” in our
assertive message would be to describe our feelings (or needs)
about the problem. For example, saying, “I’m really feeling annoyed
about this.”

9.  When we talk assertively, it is easier to stay away
from “you” messages aimed at finding fault in the
child (e.g., “You should be ashamed of yourself for
being so careless”) or threatening the child (e.g.,
“You’ll be sorry if you keep this up”). The goal of
our assertive message is to tell the student the
specific reason for us feeling the way we are
feeling. For example, saying, “When I have to deal
with unnecessary interruptions, I cannot finish what
I want to teach the class. I feel frustrated when I
cannot complete my lesson.”

10.  If you are planning on having a longer
conversation with the student, a word of advice
would be for you to know your message; simply
put, it is important that you identify what exactly
you want to communicate to this particular child. If
you need to write a list with bullets or to outline
your main talking points before saying anything to
the child, then go ahead and outline the most
important points. This writing exercise is also
helpful in identifying those words and phrases with
negative connotation, so that you replace hopeless
and negative language with encouraging and
positive language.

11.  A second exercise that you can do before addressing
the student is looking at your reflection in an imaginary
mirror and saying, “This is how I feel about this
behavior.” What you see and hear in the self-reflection
mirror is what the child is going to see and hear later
on. If you do not like what the imaginary mirror reflects
back that is an indication of the need to modify your
body language and/or your words. Keep in mind that,
on most occasions, we need to talk with the child
several times before seeing significant and enduring
changes in the habitually disruptive behavior, so be
consistent in your message, communicate positive
expectations to the child, and always hope for the best.

12.  Make sure that the tone of your voice is firm but
never hostile, scornful or sarcastic.
 Make sure that you address a specific behavior
that the student can do something about it, for
example, a messy desk or cursing. Avoid
messages directed at the child’s character (e.g.,
sloppiness).
 Make one reference at a time and talk about one
specific thing. Do not overwhelm or confuse the
child with too much information or explanations.
 Always reinforce the child’s compliance with your
appreciation (e.g., a smile and a “thank you”).

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